Amazon’s Tovess Islay Single Malt
Amazon Exclusive | 40% ABV
Bargain banger from Bezos or an awful attempt by Amazon?
Old Gilbert has been in a bit of a whisky slumber of late, curled up on his pile of half-written reviews and dicey bottle photos on his ever ageing phone. Yet, there’s one word that’ll always stir him to action like Michael Keaton staring at a budget bat signal, and that word is ‘cheap’.
There are many times the word “cheap” and “value” are used interchangeably but I feel we can all agree that when it comes to whisky, they couldn’t be further apart.
A £15 punt on a supermarket bottle may be cheap but ever so rarely does it provide the value we desire. Yet a steep £60 splurge on some superior single malt could shower you in bountiful bang for your buck. So come and grab Gilbert Gunn’s gammy hand and read on as he sacrifices himself in the name of bargains and Bezos. Yes I do shamefully love writing in third-person.
To start with, the spaceship soaring elephant in the room, Mr Jeff Bezos and his delightful shop of dreams: Amazon. Now we all know that “big business is bad” and we all love to morally pride ourselves on our hatred of it, but the juggernaut that is the biggest online shop is a vital part of today’s shopping habits. I grew up in the generation of ordering anything from basin wrenches to nappies off the site… and that was just this week alone. While I keep saying I’ll be scrapping my Amazon Prime membership, a new TV series drops on to my ever growing watch list or maybe I just have a hankering to melt away in the delight of Paddington 2 with my daughter.
Now to save some respect among my peers, I’d like to point out that where possible I purchase from smaller independent whisky shops and solo sanctums, knowing that a couple of extra pounds supporting someone's dream goes a lot further than a penny in the pocket of a billionaire. Sadly these days, I feel like I have to try and keep every loose penny securely locked away in a porcelain pig, making it hard to argue with the lowest price available.
So, while we’re here; Gilbert’s two top tips for getting your whisky cheaper:
Every day, check the sale sections of a good 10 - 15 online whisky stores to see if any wish list bottles appear.
Get on every social media platform and follow all the whisky shops. The amount of discount codes, competitions and giveaways they run, can provide plenty of bottles of joy for bargain prices. Skimming my shelves I’d say I’ve less than five bottles I’ve paid RRP or more for.
Let’s face it, whisky is an expensive hobby, but does it really have to be?
I present before you a bottle of Islay single malt that cost a miniscule £12.86. To further hammer home how much of a bargain this is, it’s the same price as 51 and a bite of Freddo chocolate bars in today's market. Granted, Dairy Milk Freddos are far from the 10p treats they once were. So to finally bring it full circle, this bottle certainly ticks the cheap box - but does it have the value to match?
Review
Tovess Islay Single Malt, 40% ABV
£21 from Amazon (£12.86 paid on offer)
I unashamedly admit that I will judge a book by the cover before I read the pages, as a great tale will soar further than any best seller sticker could market. Yet the stories of this liquid seem few and far between, therefore based on the front-facing aesthetics, there’s a bit of charm to be found. A wooden-topped thick cork and the reassuring tactile pleasure of its squat bottle shape certainly puts some more premium bottles to shame.
The label uses a heavily blue washed photo of the Islay coast which provides a pleasing visual texture, contrasting elegantly to the gold foil and wide-spaced white type. Sure, if you look deeper you spot the 40% ABV and a description of Islay whisky that reads like it’s just been pumped out by ChatGPT. But, hey, there is a wobbly line on the label that's nifty.
Produced by an unnamed distillery, in my head it bobs between Bowmore, Laphroaig and Caol Ila but your guess (even if you have never tried this) is as good as mine.
Nose
A slightly subdued and ashy dry smoke softly lifts from the glass with contrasting over-ripe peaches and under-ripe green apples which collide flagrantly against each nostril. The aromas are bolstered by melting metal, Shredded Wheat cereal and boiled ham, coming to a thick crescendo only to disappear into nothingness.
Palate
I’m a man who likes a lower ABV and at times have enjoyed a 43% dram with two teaspoons of water, but this takes it too far. A devilish marketing expert could twist this as a sliver of super smooth silk, but I’ll stick to saying this is thinner than store brand house paint. Yet somehow this over-diluted tap water managed to leave a few flavours in its path. Sooty and soily (who was later replaced by Sweep) twangs on the tongue while the back of the throat grasps at this medicinal metallic peat for quite a moment. As you swish it around the mouth like the final spin of a washing machine, it binds with the saliva producing something I can only describe as minty cabbage. Not one to repeat on you as the night goes on, yet it lasts a little longer than it has any right to.
The Dregs
If you’re a serious peat head, let me be frank… this is probably not your cup of tea. This will not blow you or possibly anyone away. There are much better examples of Islay single malt out there, even if you’re hunting for a soft stroke of smoke or a peaty punch in the face, I’d save a few more pennies and grab something with more grip.
I’m very happy for the price I paid for it and could see myself purchasing it again if the price ever dipped that low again - and would even say the £21 it often sits at is mildly tempting. Yet before Bezos grabs any of your hard-earned dosh, I’ll end this ramble saying to shun the cheap and go for value.
Now the great return of Gilbert has crashed back on to the shores of Dramface in his classic underwhelming and poorly-written fashion, it’s time to put my feet up, pour another glass of this Deep Purple smoke water and pop on Paddington 2 before bed.
Score: 4/10
Tried this? Share your thoughts in the comments below. GG